They Even Broke Into My Safe!

Fake Jesus Devotion photo-op to prop up Trump candidacy in order to save America from Satan-crazed non-Caucasians. 2016.


Please, Lord, make him a little bit less of a dumbfuck so that he’ll pass scrutiny. Also, if possible, can you give him a woody?


Oh Crap — I don’t know jack-shit about how to act like I’m praying.


Merciful Lord, let me be the one he selects as White House spiritual advisor, that we may together smite all the heathens with America’s arsenal, keep sanctified the 2nd Amendment, and hasten the Rapture for Your Glory, if it be thy will, Amen.


OK God, please let me win so I can get back at that prick Obama for making fun of The Apprentice on national TV that time at the DC Correspondent’s Dinner, which by the way the food sucked too. When I’m Prez I’m definitely cancelling that loser show.


I am touching a billionaire. Thank you, Jesus.


And God, make sure that all my generals are like Hitler’s. They should all be fucking scared to death of me, never ask questions, and push whatever buttons I goddam say to, like immediately.


Please powerful sweet Jesus, take this tool and make The Handmaiden’s Tale come true, and let me make for you numberless infant soldiers for your army from the wombs of chaste but slammin’ subservient blondes.


Christ how long do I have to keep my eyes clenched like this? I want a goddamn Big Mac, now!


[ Note : When 30 FBI agents entered and searched gaudy Mar-a-Lago, having secured warrants from a federal judge after having provided probable cause, Trump for some reason found it odd and particularly offensive that they checked his safe. Later that day he put out the call for $$ donations for his legal defense. ] verbiage from his doofus “Truth Social” site

ā–ŗ Handy INDEX — scan through all available ||SWR|| articles


  1. frigid woman in green dress: will ask that he might grab me so that i might discover the pleasure of his warm hands; never mind those others who complained. Can he feel my cold fingers?

    Empty suit w striped tie: man, i will stand here and learn the art of being a powerful prick cuz this asshole has mastered it beyond belief.

    Senior citizen on the right: May the Lord deliver my tax break that the richest ones received and I missed out on. Any return on my 10% tithe and political contributions is welcome.

    Tall white-haired dude in back left: I cant believe I am being paid minimal bucks to stand in these freezing temps and protect this thieving devil who has never earned an honest dollar. I dont need to save his ass when he has all these fools requesting his salvation.

    Depraved crook in the middle: when are these gullible folks gonna end this endless ridiculous ceremony of deliverance? I am already rescued– they delivered the goods (checks) as they walked in the door.


    1. You got the idea. What really confuses me, though, is how some people can look at this image and right away see how phony, staged, and in some cases, deluded the participants are. Yet others see some sort of pinnacle of moral rectitude within it. This worries me about future prospects for ‘unity’, and makes me think maybe the split of humanity into two streams, as depicted in the Apocalypse, is prescient and accurate.


      1. I agree that perception is biased, some based on emotion and others are more willing to be objective w/ critical thinking. Some folks are simply well indoctrinated and no one can disturb what is well ingrained. — at this point, i want to reside in a stream with those who are going in the same direction I’m flowing.

    1. yes… it is very important when you pray to bless somebody and ask for the hand of God to operate within him that you look down, make physical contact, keep silent, and clench your eyes and forehead strenuously. This greatly pleases the Lord. And if it is a VIP, you should best gather about ten or so beseeching pastors. When the VIP is a known moron and virtue-less egomaniac you might consider getting 20 to be safe. šŸ™‚


  2. Hilarious! I think you got the dumbfuck in the middle spot-on, but the others? Sadly, they really do think he’s the coming of the 2nd Messiah, that he really did win the election, and that those who turn against him are the devil’s spawn. It seems unbelievable they could be so deluded, but that’s what so many truly believe.


    1. Thanks, Deborah. Yes, I know many simply hold such beliefs and sternly refuse (or are afraid) to subject them to any kind of inner scrutiny whatsoever. You see it sometimes in interviews. And of course I do not know the pastors or reverends or whatever they imagine themselves to be, in the photo. But generally, I am satirizing them as a group, and I have found that the ones I actually DO know — the leaders — are filled with hypocrisies and uncontrolled vices. So… I am not too sure how far off my satire actually is. The photo to me is 100% anti-Christian, almost at a glance! It blatantly disregards and distorts the concept of separation of Church and State. “Render unto Ceasar what is Ceasar’s…” etc.


  3. Great job capturing the stuff nightmares are made of, Rob… It is fascinating (and frightening) to see how easily unexamined beliefs built through life-long programming can result in “truncated reasoning ability” which, tragically, is often accompanied by a lack of empathy and basic decency.


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